Tai Chi and Critique: How to Help Each Other - Or Not!

I am very interested in how we work with each other in tai chi.

The essential difficulty is this: we are discussing not only a skill, but also our bodies. It is extremely personal and there is no escape from this. On the other hand, I believe, progress is highly dependant upon our practice, our teachers, and our classmates. That is, from each other. You don’t learn tai chi in a vacuum or from a book.

I recently saw a video on how to critique. That is, how to give a critique such that the openness of the relationship stays in tact. I was impressed. His approach was very much in line with the soft approach of tai chi in general.

It’s rather simple:

Be kind.
Be specific.
Be helpful.

“Be kind” was the first suggestion and that alone says volumes. The rest also speaks for itself.

For tai chi, I would add one more point. Be “welcomed”. This has more to do with the attitude of the person you are offering help. Are you, in fact, actually welcomed by the other to give them your suggestions? Do they invite you in? Do they actually want it?

Let me add one more nuance. If we are pushing hands with a partner, and you persist in pushing them out because they don’t understand what they are doing that allows you to “win”, you are offering a critique. It goes like this: “Here is the flaw, and I can take advantage of it by pushing you out.” All of this is non-verbal. But if they are not the kind of partner that wants your correction, you may need to drop this agenda. A few pushes for your practice is fine. To continue to take advantage of it is not so helpful.

Some of us prefer experiential dialogue, but not experiential monologues. A persistent push is like a persistent critique, it’s a monologue. If they can’t deal with (neutralize) the push, and they don’t want you to “instruct” them, then stop taking advantage of the situation and work on something else instead.

The best practice is your partner comes to you (and you come to them.) You need to be alert to emotional reactions and whether or not you are welcome. To insist on “being helpful” may backfire and you may only harm the working relationship you want to build. When you stop insisting, you will be surprised how often your partner will ask for your observation. Not always, but often. And if you ARE invited in, be sure to leave your podium behind.

This is not a relationship of “I am superior” and “You need my help”. It’s more a relationship of “Let’s do this together!”

Be kind, be specific, be helpful, be welcomed….

I wish someone had told me this YEARS ago.