Tai Chi Chuan - The Push-Hands Dialogue

PLEASE NOTE: I am going ahead with posting this one despite some hesitation. It is hard to find the right language to describe a complex interaction when words are being used to help each other. I may update this one from time to time. In addition, each verbal exchange has a context. There are infinite contexts. Clearly I’m choosing a context here but not explaining it. Hence the ambiguity of language, intention, personality, etc. cannot be elaborated in great detail.
Tom Daly, 6/24/11.

Tai Chi Chuan –The Push-Hands Dialogue

Again, because I believe this is very important, I want to explore what we say to each other when we are working on push hands. (First things first: I’m assuming you and your partner are comfortable with exchanging views. I am assuming you want to help each other. I am assuming you want feedback, at least some of the time. This is not always the case. Some simply like to experience whatever comes their way and work from there. I think that’s also a great way to work on push-hands.)

Which of the following statements is not helpful and may be counterproductive?

a) You didn’t take my force into the ground.

b) You pulled your arm away from your body while neutralizing.

c) You are using your arm to protect yourself and block me.

d) You were twisting in the torso.

e) Your push is too hard.

Have your answer? (If you are confused about how to approach this, try my blogs on Critique, or Fact vs. Judgment.)

Let me elaborate on these statements:

a) This is a specific item that needs to happen in creating a return (yield-return) to the force received. An observable fact.

b) Your arm was not moved by your body, but separated from the body and did its own thing. Another observable fact.

c) The arm is stiff and protective, instead of inviting and listening. Therefore, it stops me from coming towards you. We don’t block in tai chi. We invite them in. A fact.

d) We want the torso full and aligned at all times. A turn in the hip joint is where rotation comes from. Twisting the torso is adding some sort of tension in the torso. We push tension. A fact.

e) This describes your subjective experience. Often there is a hidden linkage of “hard” and “bad” fused together here. The statement is a value based assessment (hard=bad) of my subjective experience (the “hardness” of your push.) An unspoken judgment goes into how you feel about this (good, bad) from how you experience it (soft, hard). If this is what I want from my partner, fair enough. But in general, I think this is a serious mistake. (At face value, a “hard” push is the result of some other error. Oddly, I could be hard, but you may not experience it that way. )

Helpful push-hands discussion, your verbal communication, is not music appreciation where opinions reign supreme – where what you hear is your experience and sharing your feeling is the point of the statement.

If you are looking for pushes that feel good to you, you may be in the wrong arena. Most of us have to start somewhere and generally it takes a long time to learn how to do a push without force.

Yes, that push may have felt hard. Yes, in fact it may have been hard. I’m noting that this statement doesn’t help anyone. I learn that your experience of my push felt hard to you. This may not be the case with someone else.

That “hard push”. It is almost impossible to actually measure this because if you feel hard to me, I am hard to you. So who is “hard” and who is being “bad”? I’ve heard it said that when students complained to Professor Cheng Man’ching, “his push was too hard”, Professor would reply it takes TWO to be hard!

“Your push is too hard” might set up a relationship that you don’t want to create between you and your partner. If I make such a statement, by inference, I am superior. Besides the power of being the Judge, it also assumes I know a “soft” push from a “hard” one in my own body. Without any proof, I am saying I understand a hard push vs. a soft push.

No, you say, you have felt a good soft push from someone else and therefore you know the difference ‘tween soft and hard in pushes. But your second hand experience is not enough. It does not confer on you judging rights. You are an expert when you can do a soft push and you can explain it to someone else.

Here is my favorite passive aggressive judgmental statement – a hidden “you are hard” statement. Your partner tells you “When Master Cho-Chi pushed me, I didn’t feel anything. I was just flying.” True or false, you may as well tell me Bill Gates is a billionaire. Really what they are saying is “Your push doesn’t compare to a perfect push. Your push is hard, or bad, or not very good, or…. You don’t feel like Master Cho-Chi.” Now, is this helpful?

Again, if you experience that push as hard, you had to be harder in resisting it. A more honest statement would be, “I must be VERY hard in comparison to your push. If you are hard, I must be harder.” That, of course, would be a self judgment. Even this statement is not so helpful because again you are assessing something so personal and subjective that it won’t help you progress your skill. But at least it puts the onus on you and not on them.

To embrace your experience of helplessness by a hard push is very frustrating. The experience may mean that this push frightens me, or frustrates me because my skill is too small to work with it, or I don’t like to “lose”, or simply feels uncomfortable for whatever reason.

Let’s face it, if you could neutralize that hard push, you would not say “Your push is too hard!” More likely you would laugh with delight and say, “Do that AGAIN.” You would want to continue practicing your wonderful neutralization. And those hard pushes wouldn’t feel hard to you at all because you did not offer any resistance. You didn’t get in the way. You let them in. Your hard partner would then be forced to ask, “How is it that I can’t seem to get you?”

To say “Your push is too hard” is really saying STOP THAT! Who, besides you, does that help? In fact, it doesn’t even really help you.

True, the pusher may not be aware of the strength being used to push. But your judgment doesn’t give the pusher a clue as to what to do next. “Be more soft”? How much “more soft”? “Be totally soft”? How does soft pushing do the job in the first place? What is needed to accomplish that feat?

It’s very complex. If the words “be more soft” were really helpful, everyone could do a good push. But most of us can’t. For most of us, being “more soft” is an empty gesture. It seems to me that a good push, while it is soft, has many elements that create that sensation of softness. The words hard and soft do not specify what is needed to achieve the effect of being soft. Some partners, in an attempt to be soft, don’t push at all when they push. There is no there THERE.

“Soft” or “not using force” is the sum total of many aspects that happen simultaneously to create a push that does not rely on force. It relies on good timing, direction, listening, following, no intention to push, sticking and whole body movement connected to and into the ground and connected to the partner. When I hear the suggestion “be more soft”, it reminds me of those who suggest to some sad person to “be more happy.” Great idea. Like, has that ever helped anyone?

To add nuance to that last paragraph, yes, you want the total experience of your push to be more “soft”. That is a big goal. We need to embrace that goal, but at the same time, it is not a tool for criticism of the other. It’s far too vague, too loaded with judgment, and complex.

So what do you do if you can’t deal with that force? A few options are: simply continue to get pushed, but focus on the feeling in your body (and soul), not their arms/hands.

Or, tell your partner you simply don’t have the skill to deal with that (perceived) force and ask if we can take the game down a notch.

Or, another way is to ask the partner to explain what they are feeling when they push you. This may tell you what you need to work on to alleviate their pressure and to improve your neutralization.

Or, ask the partner what they are doing when they are pushing you.

Or simply excuse yourself from the game. Walking away can be the best option at times.

The hardest lesson in push hands is that what they do is not the point. It is your reaction or action to what they do that is the point. And what you do is in the realm of your choices. Are they limited? We study push-hands, among other reasons, to give ourselves more choices.

Please, don’t tell them their push is too hard, or that it didn’t feel good. Find something else to say that’s helpful and specific, or just be quiet.