Tai Chi Chuan and Anger

Tai Chi Chuan and Anger

While I don’t consider my own anger levels to be out of control, I do have a fair amount of Irish genes! I blame it on my genetics. There have been a few flair ups over the years. Given the New York Times article regarding research on Anger “control” and exercise, I thought I might reflect on my own experience in relation to Tai Chi.

I recall a funny experience I had the first time I pushed with Ben Lo. Having come from the comforting environment that Maggie Newman, my teacher, provides for her students, that first Ben push was a shock. It shouldn’t have been. I was watching what he was doing to other students the whole week at his camp. He did to me what he did to them. But when it came to be my turn and I was flung 10 feet – I had an honest jolt of ANGER. It was along the lines of “That wasn’t nice!! You shouldn’t be doing that to a beginner!! How dare you!!” I remember looking at him directly in anger, shock and awe. He clearly saw my expression. And then I realized I had to go back into the ring to get another one.

Worse, it dawned on me that I was trapped. There was no way I could express my anger. There was no way this anger could be manipulated into some sort of dramatic scene. There was no way I could even channel it into some sort of useful action. There was no way I would win in the coming rounds of repeat slams. I couldn’t act on my anger or mete out revenge. I couldn’t commiserate with others on the unfairness of it all (they had a similar experience and seemed to enjoy it!) I couldn’t let the anger go, either. This was truly a losing battle.

I laugh to think of that anger reaction today: so spontaneous, so complex, so perfect. Tai chi offered yet again a laboratory to face myself and teach me a lesson: not everyone will behave in the way you would like them to and anger only gets in the way. I may be special (to me), but I’m not THAT special!

There have been other push hands interactions that have provoked my anger. It never helped the situation. Anger prevents listening (on all levels) and tai chi is about listening. If you see your anger before it becomes action, you have to admit it is YOUR anger. Sure, perhaps they helped bring it out, but it is still YOUR anger. If you can contain it and stop it from being expressed in an inappropriate way, generally this is a frustrating experience. If you act on it, generally it is a disastrous situation.

There have been others who have ended up in real fights from their anger. They acted on it before they could grasp it. It’s a hard lesson to learn, let alone incorporate into life. Yes, others can and do provoke your hidden treasure, but you are the keeper of the keys. And there are ways to move forward without denying it or acting out on it. The general pattern with anger is that one tends to blame the other for the anger and therefore want to punish or destroy the “cause” of the anger. They are doing something to me. Yes, they may be. But the anger is yours!

The deep practice of tai chi relaxation helps to release as well as alleviate anger. I remember in my earlier years of tai chi that during the form I used to get more and more angry as I worked through the form. My guess is that the relaxing I was practicing was releasing it. My angry thoughts were directed at me, and at those I was blaming at the time for whatever insult it was that I had endured. At the end of the form, I would be furious. I also shook a bit. It was like letting go of some layer of anger that was there all the time but I hadn’t noticed. My anger was being trapped in a very tense body. And believe me, when I began tai chi, I was very very tense.

Another deeply important aspect that tai chi brings out is that if you are angry, it is best that you truly feel it and acknowledge it, at least to yourself. Then you have some choice. You can stop the game and excuse yourself, or you can remain in the game and just be deeply aware of anger while maintaining as much composure and relaxation as possible. That’s a high wire act, no?

Some may need more help with their anger than tai chi can provide, but tai chi can help release it through regular practice. Anger is chi rising and we are working to let chi relax into the body. If you have anger chi, it will rise to the surface and be visible. Individuals with anger issues can see or experience their anger from a different perspective.

For me, the bottom line is that denying it or not feeling it is VERY dangerous. I would NEVER tell someone to not feel angry, or say to them “Don’t be angry.” The real question is “What Exactly Is Making You Angry?” In the meantime, just be clear when it comes to the surface and feel it. Feeling it will not necessarily create some sort of steam engine train that will create irreversible havoc. Not feeling it is the situation you want to avoid! If you need to separate yourself out to give it attention and fully feel it, then that is what you need to do.

You are lucky if you have a push hands partner that you can really express in words that you are feeling angry in this moment. But I think our culture is rather poor at discussing this as an issue. It is still considered to be a “bad” emotion, one that indicates you are not in control. Blame gets attached to it. While I am stating you are responsible for your anger reactions, I am not assigning blame. This is a subtle difference.

If someone is angry with you, an appropriate response is, “What’s going on?” If you are angry at someone, an appropriate response is, “What’s going on?”

I have just spent a few months with a certain situation that has continually brought up LOTS of anger, the kind where I need to keep breathing deeply to be with it. It is a slow process.

Anger is a very complex topic with no simple answers.