Tai Chi Chuan - one more time with the chatter already!

Tai Chi Chuan – one more time with the chatter already!

1. Yet AGAIN the same issue came up. Very few get it. It’s truly difficult to get. It’s the lesson that keeps on giving.

“Is it OK for you to grip my wrist?” was his question.

We were practicing push hands. The question might have also been:

“Is it correct form for you to grip my wrist?”

“Should you be gripping my wrist?”

“Isn’t it wrong in push hands for you to grip my wrist?”

His question might have been a hidden statement of: “I thought gripping the wrist is wrong!”

Strictly speaking, it doesn’t matter what your partner does. There is no Wrong, Should, Correct, OK in what your partner does. The focus is on HOW YOU RESPOND to whatever it is that grabs your attention. It’s what YOU do that matters, not what THEY do.

They are free to do anything at any time.

2. Principles vs. Rules. We have principles in push hands and tai chi. We don’t have rules. You can bend a principle. You can’t bend a rule. We strive to get closer to the principle. Rules are there to limit us (and this is not a bad thing, either!)

The reason we don’t have rules is that we want great latitude within the context of the experience of tai chi and push-hands.

And yet in push hands, this distinction gets blurred. We do limit the game in early training and there are rules. These rules are there to create strong boundaries such that the players can learn basics. Later, when you let the rules go, you hope that principles are being practiced and applied to a variety, an infinite variety if you will, of situations.

3. What is the question that is relevant?

It goes like this:

“What can I do when I feel you gripping my wrist?”

Here you can focus on your reaction or action to that grip. This does not control your partner or tell them what to do. Here is a problem for you and you are the solution.

4. Let’s look at that “grip.” For one thing, it may be helpful to look closely at what exactly is being labeled a “grip.” The gripee may have strong ideas about what just went on. The gripper may also have feelings about what just went on. A grip can be many many things. We may not see eye to eye here. This conflict often goes nowhere.

Here is a debatable proposition: I believe that if you are ready for a push hands exchange where the “rules of engagement” are broadened, and a grip occurs, that grip is helpful for the gripee and not helpful for the gripper. I feel this way because the gripper is using (possibly!) strength and is engaged in a doing action, and we want to minimize strength and doing in all exchanges. So the gripper is not getting the most out of his practice.

That stated, the larger picture tells us that this is a choice of the gripper. Since ultimately we can do anything, it is not wrong. He will befuddle many a tai chi player with his gripping. From the outside, often it looks like an effective tool. Getting back to “wrong,” he may be testing the skill of the gripee. He may not yet understand better ways of playing the game. He may not be adding skills to his own game. But WRONG is a useless concept in push hands. It is simply a judgment that leads us down a path to nowhere.

On the other hand, the gripee is given an opportunity to see what she can do with that grip within the context of non-doing and not using strength. Pure gold! How else do we take the principles of tai chi and apply them to a situation that doesn’t suit our comfort zone or skill level? Can relaxation and non-doing serve us when confronted with a player who grips our wrist?

5. So that gripper is getting you annoyed? Again, a good way to keep the game going and not create a rule or make grand claims about Right or Wrong is to speak up and suggest that this level of challenge is beyond your skill level just now. It is perfectly fine to create a practice that allows you to work with a partner and not deal with the ultimate challenges, or challenges that you are not prepared to take.

Another option is to take that moment of doing/force and slow it down such that it is more manageable, so you can see what is going on, to see how you react to that situation, to see what might be a solution. Perhaps you can’t access this at a regular speed, but it may open your eyes to the possibility that the principles can and do work.

[Often I see an exchange that is all or nothing. The gripper has the upper hand, the gripee is lost and confused and sees no way out. The gripper feels like the winner, the gripee is confused OR claims that the gripper is breaking the rules of engagement (verbally attacks the gripper and takes the moral high road.) What do we learn here?]

6. The ultimate confusion – one that I personally look at a great deal – is that THEY do not create YOUR reality. YOU DO! This is extremely hard to see, let alone understand and live by.

The best way to work in push hands is to avoid accusations (direct or implied) or declare a moral code. The best way to work in push hands is to seek out solutions within the context of the principles.

If you have a partner where you can do this, you have a great thing going…