Tai Chi Chuan - An Expression of Personality - NOT!

Tai Chi Chuan – An Expression of Personality – NOT!

Years ago, I was working with a visitor to Maggie’s class with Push-hands.  He was not very good.  All doing, not following, in control, in charge, totally confident.  It turned out that this guy was a heart surgeon.  And if I needed a heart surgeon, I’d want him to do the job, be in control, be in charge and be totally confident.  But none of this becomes good tai chi.

I have to say, I am deeply suspicious of “personality”.  Yours, mine, everyone’s.  And yet we don’t function well without a personality.  It is the way we gage each other’s intent and authenticity, sharing our concerns in life, moving through our journey.  To the extent that it reflects our inner selves, this is a fair place to begin with.

But this personality also functions as a crutch.  With any crutch, other muscles atrophy.  We delude ourselves from a more realistic view of who we are.  

We each have a quality that we want to project.  And yet for each of those qualities, most likely the other side of that quality resides inside, hidden from view, perhaps unconsciously.  Not always, but often.  It is as if this personality represents who we are, when in fact it doesn’t.  It is just the portion that we want others to know.  On the job, often this is appropriate:  I’m in control, I’m knowledgeable, I know what I’m doing, respect my authority, etc.  And of course, there is no need to be running around the planet exposing ALL of who you are all the time.  Most of us wouldn’t want to be around such a person.  TMI!

All the world’s a stage Shakespeare tells us and our personality is often a performance.  Yet we don’t see it that way.  We may want to project our kindness, our intelligence, our sincerely, our caring parts and so forth.  I am XYZ and that gives me value in my own eyes. It should tell you what you need to know about me and you should value me as well (for example).

If you want to know the core of what you like to project, just look at what makes you proud about yourself.  This mission statement may in fact be true.  But it is not the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me….

There was a funny if violent moment on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  She crushes her opponent (physically) and tells us she acted like Gandhi… “on a bad day.”   While I doubt Gandhi ever had such a day, the point rings true.

In tai chi, your personality doesn’t matter.  It doesn’t help.  It will impede your progress.  Tai chi is not about what makes you stand out.  It is about how you mesh with.

With push-hands, the personality REALLY gets in the way.  We try very hard to manifest principle in order to develop.  But this often relates to our personality.  A whole new set of “traits” that we want to express come rushing forward, much like the old traits: I’m soft, I’m vulnerable, I’m tough, I’m a winner, I’m kindly, I’m more thoughtful, I’m intelligent, I’m non-violent, I’m superior, I have the key, I’m unbeatable, I’m on top of my game, I’m…. well, whatever.  It becomes another feather in our public appearance.  It separates you from your partner; it separates you from the group. 

Being with your partner and being with the group are tai chi goals.

(And if you ARE “better” than others?  That is for them to say, not you!)

Similarly, in a group form, the goal is to attach to others in the group.  So YOU are not so important.  Your ability to just go with the flow is what is important.  Even here, comparisons in our heads intervene.  In a way, that pulls you out of the group and puts you on high as an audience member with your personality garb in charge.  The personality never sees life as it is. 

When you compare, as we are inclined to do, this is a red flag that your personality has emerged.  I recall a group form when someone asked me to offer them any suggestions or criticisms.  As a participant (not as a teacher) this makes no sense.  I don’t want my mind involved in criticism or comparison.  I want my body involved in joining the flow of the group.  For me, that takes all I’ve got and then some!

I speak here from experience.  My face flushes red when I see how my personality manipulates and performs in order to claim some level of distinction.

WHO AM I is central to tai chi – though never really discussed.  Letting go, being with, following – all of these point to a reality that allows more to happen.  YOU become WE in push-hands, and this joins the ground, the air, and the heavens.  WE become all of creation.  This is equally true when doing the group form.  This is why a group form can feel so uniquely satisfying.

Some use tai chi to distinguish themselves from the flock.  Lots of Self proclaimed “Masters” out there!  I’d like to have tai chi teach me how to melt into the flock and give my personality a rest.  At least for a while.

Let me be clear.  I suspect few if any of us ever rid ourselves of our personalities, nor do we want to.  I’d so miss all the entertainment!  But this is not a tai chi goal. 

To develop the US, the WE, is a tai chi goal. This is the challenge, this is the profound joy!