Tai
Chi Chuan – Stop the Struggle!
I
was amused recently when an elderly student of mine thought that I was so very very
clever to figure her out. But in fact I
had not figured her out.
She
was being extremely resistant in our weekly private class. She wanted a class, but she didn’t want to
practice or to work in class. She wanted
to sit down. I kept trying very hard to motivate
her to get up and do the work. It was a
frustrating battle.
But
I changed.
What
did I do? I gave up the struggle. If she wanted to sit down for most our class,
then I heartily encouraged her to sit down.
No more struggle. She
reinterpreted this to mean that I had miraculously realized that she didn’t
want anyone telling her what to do. This
was news to me. Particularly so since
that is mostly what a tai chi teacher does.
I am hoping this phase will pass, but in the mean time, whatever she
wants, she gets. And I’m all the happier for it.
This
has gotten me to think about what a teacher told me regarding push hands: “Never struggle.”
This
may sound either easy to do, or pointless.
It is neither. How did you just react?
For
me, when faced with a push hands opponent that is not playing by the rules and
is tossing me here and there, mostly what I do is fight it off, try this, try
that, try ANYTHING to win the game and stop this push from happening. I can often see what they are doing
wrong. I can see what I am doing
wrong. But I can’t manage to find a
solution based on principles: No effort, no force, and no resistance.
From
the remove of this keyboard, it’s easy to say the first thing to do is NOT
STRUGGLE. And that usually means getting
shoved around. Which feels like losing
the game. Which feels demeaning. Am I really this bad at push hands?
But
in fact, that teacher was right. Never
struggle. And it has often been said
that if you get pushed, just get pushed.
That is, getting pushed and remaining relaxed is far better than getting
pushed and getting harder.
My
push hands buddy and I have been playing with those awful pushes. But the exercise here is to just take 25 or
more of those pushes and NOT FIGHT WITH THEM.
Stop the struggle!
What
does that feel like? To just be abused
and mangled?
And
even if I don’t find the answer to the problem of these pushes, a solution
based on tai chi principles, I can say that I will NEVER find the solution as
long as I am involved in struggling with the push itself. Letting them happen will reveal far more than
struggling with them.
I’m
converted – just feel them for what they are.
Just fully experience this experience.
It is not normally what we want.
But to feel it again and again and again is starting to feel good. Yes, FUN!
I have some faith that the real solution will present itself. I don’t even have to look for it. In fact, I’d suggest that you DON’T look for
a solution. Because at some point the solution
will appear – you will see it. And you
don’t have to struggle to get there.
What
about struggle outside of tai chi?
Dialogue
from The Closer:
Mr.
Beavis: “Go Away!!!”
Brenda
Lee Johnson (in a strong Southern accent): “I can’t go away Mr. Beavis!!! There are some things in life that you can’t
send packin’, that you have to face up to!
And
right NOW!
that
THING!
for
YOU!
is
ME!”
It
seems to me there are struggles and there are struggles. Some struggles are in the realm of
manageable. They are worth the
effort. Because you can see the lay of
the land in front of you. You have a
shot at having some success. There are
options worth taking or exploring.
(Brenda above decides to push the envelope and press forward – it was
the only ploy at her disposal and this being TV, it worked!)
Then
there are struggles where you don’t have a chance, at least not now, not from
where you sit. In cases like this, it
may be best to let life take its course and not tie yourself in knots believing
that you should be able to change this dilemma, that you should be able to find
a positive outcome. It simply isn’t
true.
The
deck may be stacked against you. It may
be best to give up entirely. At least you
won’t be adding strain to a difficult situation. The terms of engagement may not be your
terms. This is NOT fun!
And
knowing the difference is a true life skill.
Two options: To let life take its
course, or engage with the problem pointing directly at you. That is the question!
