Tai Chi Chuan - Happiness Failure Change

Tai Chi Chuan – Happiness Failure Change

I was recently introduced to a delightful phrase, famous I’m told, from one of my wisest (and wisdom seeking) friends.

From the web(1):

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The Secret of Happiness:

Nasrudin is known as much for his wisdom as his foolishness, and many are those who have sought out his teaching. One devotee tracked him down for many years before finding him in the marketplace sitting atop a pile of banana peels--no one knows why.

"Oh great sage, Nasrudin," said the eager student. "I must ask you a very important question, the answer to which we all seek: What is the secret to attaining happiness?"

Nasrudin thought for a time, then responded. "The secret of happiness is good judgment."

"Ah," said the student. "But how do we attain good judgment?"

"From experience," answered Nasrudin.

"Yes," said the student. "But how do we attain experience?"

"Bad judgment."

The earliest credible source I can find is the great Sufi sage/fool Mulla Nasrudin, born circa 1208.

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Why do I bring this up in the context of a tai chi blog?

I think advanced tai chi leads to good judgment. Learning tai chi brings the student face to face with failure much of the time. And failure can be linked to bad judgment, though while learning tai chi poor judgment is more or less linked to ignorance and poor habits, both of which lead to bad judgment. We do what we do. But when we get pushed around in tai chi push hands, many changes are required. In making these changes, and learning these hard won lessons, it can affect how you approach the rest of your life.

I’ve talked about change in other blogs on my site before but it is always worth another look. If failing and frustration stimulate a desire to change, HOW do we change in the first place?

To my thinking, two elements are required. The first is to look closely at what is going on. Awareness. Examine where your actions lead. Or ask, as Dr. Phil does, “How’s it working for you?”

A colleague at work told me that he was frustrated with another worker and he had told her she was “rude.” He asked me if telling her that she was “rude” was wrong. He wasn’t really looking for advice on his interaction; he was looking for reassurance that he was right. He truly felt it was a legitimate statement.

I agreed with him that his impression and his statement were accurate, but that is not the point. To label a co-worker “rude” doesn’t move a business conversation towards resolving the work being discussed. He basically changed the focus and redirected the conversation towards their (lack of) interpersonal skills. Work is now off the table, and how she treats him is what they will be discussing. Even worse, he has veered off facts and put forth his judgment. In tai chi terms, this is a push using force. (And tai chi-ers don’t use force!)

I suggested that it wasn’t a good move and that it was better to bypass the rudeness and stick to the facts that will move work forward. Ignore the attitude – it is mostly fluff anyway.

He could not accept my suggestion. He felt entitled to his self-expression (we always are!). Yet, to me, calling a co-worker “rude” is like adding gasoline to a fire. With this fire you can now roast marshmallows, break into a sweat, inhale smoke, watch the fireworks or heat the room, but not resolve any work related issues.

[I interact with Miss Rude as well. I always focus on her words and address what the facts are. Instead of being aggravated by her stance, I find her amusing and comical. I even admire her spunk. Big picture here – most likely she is not going to change and like all comic characters in TV sitcom, she does as they do (always the same thing show after show.) If the situation gets worse, I’ll take it to my supervisor.]

I think my tai chi buddies would agree. For my work buddy to change, he’d have to take a bigger view of the situation. He’d have to look closely at his conversation with his co-worker instead of assuming his approach is legitimate. But habits win the day if you are not willing to closely examine what you are doing and the results from your actions. Alas, all we know is habit, which we are condemned to repeat and repeat and repeat….

What is the lesson we need to learn? Choose your habits wisely, and drop them when they get in the way. The implicit challenge here is that we have a hard time making the distinction between a helpful habit and a poor habit. The nature of the habitual is that we don’t examine this.

The second element is being willing to fail. Yes, it’s not a happy prospect, but how do you find the right pathway without trying a few options that do not rely on the habitual? It takes some experimenting and a high tolerance for failure. (Ours is a funny society. We are encouraged to take risk, but we are often punished if the risk doesn’t work out!)

In our efforts to change, a good mentor or teacher is a huge advantage and may speed the process along. But even that is not a guarantee. (Because now you need two more tai chi qualities: trust and listening!)

Happiness? It’s an art. Just like living and tai chi.



(1) http://virtualbumperstickers.blogspot.com/2007/06/good-judgment-comes-from-experience.html: The Beggar King and the Secret of Happiness by Joel Ben Izzy, Algonquin Books of Chapel Hill, 2003.